This is hard!! I feel speechless, but I know that I will want to remember the details that I may forget later, so I am going to try to find the words.
I had to say goodbye again today...this time was the hardest yet.
I tried to soak up every minute, every second that I had with her. She fell asleep on my chest right before I had to give her back. I wanted her to stay there!! I could hardly breath as I handed her over...my heart aches.
I hope to write more later.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Monday, August 22, 2011
Second Trip, First Day
Leaving the boys and Jason behind as I left for Russia was hard to do! I felt the need to have them with me. Not that I could not be alone, but just because I missed them terribly.
After navigating through strange airports and arriving to Moscow with no problems or delays, I thought "this will be easy". I made my way over to baggage claim to get my suitcase and head out to meet with Vladimir my translator/driver. That is when I began to panic.
Around and around went the carousel and my bag (with all personal items as well as important adoption documents) was no where to be seen. I stood there thinking "crap!! now what". I made my way to what seemed like an information desk and asked if the women there spoke English. She said "A little". I explained that my bag did not come out and she directed me to an office to stand in line. This line did not seem to move. Now what do I do? The line is not moving, I don't speak Russian and Vladimir is waiting for me with no idea that I am in this situation. If I stay in the line, he may think that I am not here and may leave wondering what is going on. I do not have an international phone so there is no way for him to call me or me to call him. I don't even have his number (note to self "get phone number!!!") if I did have a phone. If I get out of the line and go through immigration to see him, would they even consider letting me back in? I was thinking of those stern faced men sitting there and thought "there is no way they would let me back in". What to do? Every second that went by felt like an hour. My heart was pounding and I knew I couldn't wait. I tried to talk to one of the women working behind the desk but she did not seem to have time for my silly English speaking sob story. All I could think of was that Vlad would leave and I would be alone, so I left the office.
I walked over to the immigrations officer and asked if he spoke English. He directed me to another man. By this time there were tears in my eyes as I pleaded with the man to let me go out and come back in with Vlad. I could not believe it when he agreed. I bolted out and felt such relief when Vlad was still waiting with his sign that said "WAY"!!!! Thank you Lord, you did not let him leave, my plane landed at 1pm and it was now 2:30. He said that he was wondering what was going on. I'm sure he was!!
I felt as if I had my dad with me and all was well. He took care of things from there. We waited for the next flight from Frankfort to retrieve my bag and made it to my apartment by almost 7pm.
I have thought of the panic that I felt, and wondered "did I not trust that God was in control?" I reminded myself constantly "God knows where you are and what is happening, and you are in His loving grip". Yet I was still afraid. If I can trust Him with the life of my little girl, surly I can rest in His hands during this too. Ahh, the struggles of being child of God and yet living in this world where sin (fear caused by the lack of trust) is crouching at the door.
Genesis 26:24 That night the Lord appeared to him and said "I am the God of your father Abraham. Do not be afraid, for I am with you"
Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
Hebrews 13:5,6 God said "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you" So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid"
John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
My MOE appointment is at 5:30pm, in 4 1/2 hours from now. This is were they will offer Natalia to me as a "formal referral" and I will say "Yes, yes, yes!!" Although I will have to pretend that I have never met her before (so I should tone down the excitement
). Then I will be able to see her tomorrow. I can't wait to hold her. I hope she remembers me. I am going to try some new clothes on her to see what size she is. I am going to wrap her on me and we are going to walk and talk and sing and...I just can't wait!!!!
I might try some of my newly learned Russian on her.
After navigating through strange airports and arriving to Moscow with no problems or delays, I thought "this will be easy". I made my way over to baggage claim to get my suitcase and head out to meet with Vladimir my translator/driver. That is when I began to panic.
Around and around went the carousel and my bag (with all personal items as well as important adoption documents) was no where to be seen. I stood there thinking "crap!! now what". I made my way to what seemed like an information desk and asked if the women there spoke English. She said "A little". I explained that my bag did not come out and she directed me to an office to stand in line. This line did not seem to move. Now what do I do? The line is not moving, I don't speak Russian and Vladimir is waiting for me with no idea that I am in this situation. If I stay in the line, he may think that I am not here and may leave wondering what is going on. I do not have an international phone so there is no way for him to call me or me to call him. I don't even have his number (note to self "get phone number!!!") if I did have a phone. If I get out of the line and go through immigration to see him, would they even consider letting me back in? I was thinking of those stern faced men sitting there and thought "there is no way they would let me back in". What to do? Every second that went by felt like an hour. My heart was pounding and I knew I couldn't wait. I tried to talk to one of the women working behind the desk but she did not seem to have time for my silly English speaking sob story. All I could think of was that Vlad would leave and I would be alone, so I left the office.
I walked over to the immigrations officer and asked if he spoke English. He directed me to another man. By this time there were tears in my eyes as I pleaded with the man to let me go out and come back in with Vlad. I could not believe it when he agreed. I bolted out and felt such relief when Vlad was still waiting with his sign that said "WAY"!!!! Thank you Lord, you did not let him leave, my plane landed at 1pm and it was now 2:30. He said that he was wondering what was going on. I'm sure he was!!
I felt as if I had my dad with me and all was well. He took care of things from there. We waited for the next flight from Frankfort to retrieve my bag and made it to my apartment by almost 7pm.
I have thought of the panic that I felt, and wondered "did I not trust that God was in control?" I reminded myself constantly "God knows where you are and what is happening, and you are in His loving grip". Yet I was still afraid. If I can trust Him with the life of my little girl, surly I can rest in His hands during this too. Ahh, the struggles of being child of God and yet living in this world where sin (fear caused by the lack of trust) is crouching at the door.
Genesis 26:24 That night the Lord appeared to him and said "I am the God of your father Abraham. Do not be afraid, for I am with you"
Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
Hebrews 13:5,6 God said "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you" So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid"
John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
My MOE appointment is at 5:30pm, in 4 1/2 hours from now. This is were they will offer Natalia to me as a "formal referral" and I will say "Yes, yes, yes!!" Although I will have to pretend that I have never met her before (so I should tone down the excitement
). Then I will be able to see her tomorrow. I can't wait to hold her. I hope she remembers me. I am going to try some new clothes on her to see what size she is. I am going to wrap her on me and we are going to walk and talk and sing and...I just can't wait!!!! I might try some of my newly learned Russian on her.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)